It's only been a couple months dating, and my boyfriend and I are in the marriageable age and have already talked about and planned to be wed as early as next year.  Recently I'm realizing now, I do not have the same love feelings I had for him when we first started dating, and I feel kinda selfish for not being sure I am committed to the relationship.  Is it wrong of me to want to stop the relationship when he wants it so much now.  I feel like if I ask to break up so that I can have time for myself, that in the end I may not want get back together. But regardless of the end result is it ok for the girl to want to break off a serious relationship for a good reason? I would appreciate any advice you can give from the male perspective.

At first I thought this was a pretty straightforward question, but the more I thought about it, the more curious I got. If someone had a good reason to breakup why wouldn’t they think it was alright to do so? Is the real reason for the breakup the reasons cited in the post?
1. You don’t have the same love feelings as you had in the beginning.
2. You are unsure of your commitment to the relationship.

These sound like valid reasons to terminate the relationship. I am wondering what reasons to stay in the relationship you are weighing these against.

You state that the relationship is “only” a couple of months old but it is “serious”. How far along are you in your wedding “plans”? Do you have a ring and a date? Is age somehow a factor? Marriageable age sounds purposefully vague. Are there other relevant factors that should be given serious consideration such as past marriages, relationships, children, religion, race, etc. Do you have any emotional baggage that could be holding you back? Have you been in this situation before? Is there an issue with something or someone that needs to be first addressed in your life?

Is the reason that you are unsure that you don’t want to hurt your boyfriend? While all paths at this junction look difficult, I hope you know that to stay when you know you should leave would be cruel and the longer it is put off the more hurt you will inflict on your boyfriend.

You seem like an intelligent and compassionate woman. I applaud you for being assertive and doing the difficult work of introspection and pondering a difficult decision rather than merely drifting along being carried off by whatever tide is in today and leaving your fate to chance.

Best wishes and hang in there.

Thanks Judge Neil for your advice! It was really helpful because I did the right thing! Breaking up is tough mentally, but you were right because it ain't fair to him to keep him from moving on in his life. He agreed to the breakup but and soon after tried to tell me sorry and quickly expressed thoughts of us getting back together and marrying again as if he didn't even hear a word I said. I kicked it up a notch and told him NO! I was no more Miss Molly nice nice, because I had to be mean and firm now to prevent it from getting ugly. I told him if he comes near me I will talk to his boss, because he still wanted me and fantasize about me even tho I don't wanna be with him anymore. It was getting disgusting so I hope he got my message and don't try it again. Other than that I am happy to be single and do not feel I'm missing out on anything. I told my parents and they are happy for me too! Thanks again Judge Neil!

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