Well, first I would like to let you know that I have tried to kill myself recently by taking pills, alot of pills. I don't know who I am anymore, it's like I've changed in an instant. I am a mean person, and I don't treat people the way I want people to treat me, and I can never understand why I'm always being hurt. I suffer from depression a lot, I cry a lot of times just because, or I might think of something that happened in the past, or even if I feel lonely. I get lonely a whole lot, and I hate that feeling. It seems like I never have anyone to talk to, except for God. I talk to him a lot, it either calms me down, or makes me cry. I would get a serious breakthrough, and that would help a whole lot. Sometimes that is all I need when I am feeling depressed. I go through different things, and I fall in the footsteps of my past. Sex is a very important thing in my life. I'm trying to change my ways, I really am, and it's hard. You should see how many times a week I try to change my attitude, and it never works. After I got out of the hospital, I was taken to this facility, for adolescents. It helped a little, but unfortunately, not enough. I wanted to leave so bad, and I got my wish, after being there for a week. I have a major attitude problem, and probably the worst. I hate the way I treat people, and I even started to treat myself wrong, like: letting people have their way with me, eating for no reason at all, stuff like that. I wanna tell you a story, when I was younger, my mom had this boyfriend, and he had two children that lived with him. They were his kids, a girl, and a boy. His daughter used to play with us, and we used to play house. She would pretend to be a boy, and I would be her wife, or girlfriend sometimes. We used to kiss, and she would get on top of me, and start riding me, as if we were actually having sex. It felt very good to me, and I think that's one of the reasons why I like females. I'm not a lesbian though because I do like boys, and I like them more than girls. I don't know who I am, or even what I should do with myself, and I'm glad I got to get all of this out. Please write me back, ASAP.

confusion911 (16F) from Philidelphia

Judge Neil's Advice
 
Attempting suicide is really a cry for help. For the most part if someone really wants to die they can make it happen. You are in a cycle of depression that you can't seem to escape. You should stop trying to kill yourself though since you might accidentally succeed...

First you should identify the things that depress you like treating people bad. When you do that you probably feel like crap and end up trying to punish yourself which only makes you feel worse. Try this, from now on put a little gap between what you think and what you say. If you don't say much that is ok, make what you say count and positive. If you do treat someone bad, you can't just feel bad about yourself. Just review in your mind and know what to do different next time. These will not be easy, but you have to work at it.

The next and probably biggest issue with you is the sex. You are letting people abuse you as a punsihment to yourself. Then you feel worse and must be punshied again. YOU NEED TO STOP HAVING SEX! That inludes kissing, fonding, and rubbing! These things will only make you feel worse and worse. Take the time to work on yourself before you throw in the complications that come along with sex. That also means stop worrying about your past sexual experiences. You are what you are and if you take the time you will eventually begin to understand who you are sexually.

Keep busy... very busy people don't have time to be depressed. You need to find things to keep you occupied, like extra curricular activities or even a job. Perhaps you can volunteer?
 
If you can get regualr counseling that would be good too. It may not be anything more than someone to listen on a regular basis but it would probably help.

Hope things work out for you!